Bye Bye 2004. Welcome 2005.

It’s the last day of the year again…

I can’t believe how the year went by so fast, I’m not even sure if I’ve done anything significant with my life at all. I don’t know if my personal satisfaction is just so high, I am unable to realize how much good has happened during the year. But looking back and reflecting now, I’m surprised at how much change I’ve gone through. I’ve learned and accepted a lot. And I’ve worried and complained less which is good. 2004 was a great year overall. There’s graduation, work, monthly paychecks, job applications, interviews, McDo convention, Orlando, SF, Oakbrook, Chicago, old friends, new friends, being done and over with chicken pox, Boracay, Lifebook, mini-ipod, Red, cookout party, overnights, lunch outs, and the list goes on. There are still a lot of things lacking though, but needless to say I’m just happy I’ve survived another year and have ended it with a smile on my face.

Tomorrow’s going to be another new year. No resolutions for me this year because I don’t want to break any. I’ve noticed that the more I make resolutions, the more I end up not keeping any. No 2005 expectations for me as well because I don’t want to be disappointed.

Post-Christmas Thoughts

The song goes, ‘tis the season to be jolly…fa la la la la la la la la!!!

Amidst all the mediocrity, aimlessness, and disappointments, I’m surprised I still have more than a hundred reasons left as to why I should stay jolly this season. No make that a thousand reasons. Let’s see…nothing bad has happened to me. I have food on the table. My Amma has good health. I have wonderful friends. I got work and a not-so-bad starting salary at that. I also don’t have to drive through the horrible traffic everyday to work. I’ve also met a good number of great people the past few months. Had lesser complains and fewer boo-boos as compared to before. And then there’s the fast recovery of Ma. That’s only ten reasons. But I’ve still got more…

I don’t know where I got this bright attitude all of a sudden. I sure hope I could bring this optimism into the coming year though.

Get Well Soon Ma! =)

Just got back from the hospital. My mom had her appendix taken out just hours ago. She’s still in the recovery room and will be out before midnight. I’m relieved everything went well. I hope she recovers soon.

My mom’s intuition must be good. She’s been adamant on her decision of staying here for Christmas this year. We’ve been spending Christmas out of the country for the past years that it was unlike her to insist that we won’t be going anywhere despite our (well just me and Tin’s) insistence. It was like my mom have foreseen what was going to happen.

I’ve been looking forward to Christmas but it looks like we’re going to spend it this year in the hospital. The doctor said that it’ll probably take around 5 days of recovery. But it’s okay. What matters is that we spent it together as a family.

Music, fireworks and the stars...

Last night's Pop Pasko in Eastwood was a blast. Good music. A close encounter with the stars. Awesome fireworks. I was happy we were able to get good seats. We sat right up front and got to see Luke Mejares, Kyla, Ogie Alcasid, and Regine Velasquez perform. I must say that I am now a newly converted fan of Luke. I didn’t know he could sing that well. His own renditions of I Miss You and Who’s Holding Donna Now is really good. Then there’s also the popular 214 remake song. I don’t know but I think he sings it better than Rivermaya. I think I’m going to buy his cd tomorrow. Hehe

And then there’s also my close ‘brush’ with the stars. Before the show started, my cousin asked us if we wanted to meet them. Normally I wouldn’t go if I’m not a big fan but being the “usi” that I am, I went. We dropped by their make shift dressing room at the now defunct Country Waffles. Kyla still wasn’t there, stuck in traffic according to the guy. The other three were having their make up done. I actually felt starstruck for a minute there. Ogie and Luke seemed friendly. Regine wasn’t as friendly though. Maybe it’s because she was still having her hair and make-up done. So anyway, after brief introductions and a few pictures taken we left them and went back to our seats.

The show was a good one. I had a fun time. The fireworks in the end was spectacular. (There is no better word for it.) You’ll see it go way up up uuupp high and then burst into a rainbow of colors. And they say it’s just a small piece of what people will be seeing this coming New Year…

And I Quote...

"I'm really shy, I guess that's really part of who I am. However, it doesn't bother me. I know who I am and that's what matters. I know I can be crazy and funny only to those who really know me. I really don't have to share that with everyone."

My Not-So-Long Weekend

I’m bummed the long weekend is almost over. It will be back to reality once again tomorrow, which would mean having to wake up early and go home late every week. If there’s any consolation to this though, it would be the weather. It has been raining the whole day and the forecast says it’s going to be so for the next couple of days. I don’t know why but I love rainy days (not the typhoon kind though). Every time it rains, I feel more energized. I am more ganado in doing my tasks.

The long weekend was a major stress reliever. Not that I am stressed with work or anything like that. Well come to think of it, being in the same routine can be stressful at times. But I don’t think I should be complaining about it. So I won’t. Anyway the whole weekend was spent just doing errands for myself, mostly things that badly needs to be done but haven’t been done due to lack of time; such as going shopping with my sisters, going cloth hunting to add to my work clothes, going to the hair salon to have my overgrown hair trimmed, having my regular nail and foot spa which haven’t been all that regular anymore, going to the seamstress which has been neglected and long overdue, and etc. I haven’t gotten around to watching the piling DVDs and VCDs that I have initially planned on watching over the weekend yet though. If only the long holiday could be extended until tomorrow…

Overall it was a good long weekend though, except for the lost earring. I accidentally lost a silver hoop earring while shopping. I felt so bad not only because I knew I was in for a major scolding from my mom, but also because it was public property. (My sisters and I share the earrings.) I’m thinking either I forgot to clasp it on to its hook properly or it was just plain loose already. This is the second time that I’ve lost something that’s considerably of value. The first one was also losing an earring while swimming in the beach. So counting it, I’ve actually now lost a pair. I just hope this is going to be the last time already.

Turning on the alarm clock...

My sister just reminded me today how lucky I am to be able to enjoy the finer things in life, which I shamefully admit I often take for granted. Coming back from her immersion, she could not have reiterated more how real (and harsh) reality is. If I am to be precise about it, it’s how majority of the population are living below the poverty line.

What touched me even more was hearing my sister talk about how her host family was so gracious to them. Despite having a tight budget, her host family took great lengths to keep them full and satisfied. The couple they stayed with made sure they were well-fed and comfortable. If there were any difference in the social statuses of each one (which normally is made so distinctly clear in this society of ours), it was neither felt nor seen at all. The lines were all blurred. My sister actually felt she was a part of the family.

It’s a heartwarming feeling to see them spending a little over their budget just to make dinner extra special (note: caldereta, pusit, melon juice) for you. It’s also a heartwarming feeling to see them fussing over you making sure all the electric fans are turned on. An extra dish of caldereta or melon juice may mean nothing to us since we’re used to having anything we want but for these people, it’s a big thing. It’s already an extravagance for them which really is “nakakataba ng puso” to see them sharing it so willingly to you.

It’s just ironic (and sad I must say) to see how these people have so much to give despite having so little while some of their counterparts despite having excesses barely give out anything at all.

You could call it fate.

It’s disappointing to know you cannot always get what you want. And it’s equally disappointing to know you cannot make things happen exactly according to your plan. I’ve resigned to the fact that no matter how hard you try trying, if it’s not meant to be then it probably will never be. Call it fate or whatever. But that’s just the way it is. There are some things that are beyond our control. We can’t do anything about it but to accept and learn how to face the music.

And so I ask. Is accepting all we really have to do? If this is so then what happens with the ‘never say die’ attitude that have been instilled into our minds ever since we were kids? We can't give up just like that.

I don’t know but I’m slowly succumbing to the “if it’s meant to be then it will surely happen” mantra. I refuse to see it as being apathetic or indifferent. If it’s not meant to be, why force it right? This mentality actually gives me a sense of freedom. I am able to free myself from the heavy burden of trying to ‘make things happen’ all the time. I don’t feel the sense of urgency anymore to do this or do that just because it’s supposed to bring me happiness, success, love or whatever.

However there are times when this mantra of mine fails me. Most often than not it leaves me wondering if I should have gone the extra mile and exerted some effort instead of leaving it entirely to just fate alone. I’ve discovered on many instances that due to lack of action on my part, there are a lot of missed opportunities. There are a lot of what-could-have-been scenarios which I could have acted upon but didn’t. This always leaves me wondering if I should have indeed done something about it. But like they say, it takes two to boogie (tango isn’t as fun…) in every situation. So I guess I should blame the other person or party involved for not doing anything as well. Or perhaps there’s no one to blame; maybe they had the same mantra going on for them too.

Twenty Three

23 seem to be a good number…not too young to be treated like a kid but still not too old to have lots of fun. My friend says the ages 23-24 are supposed to be the “prime” years of one’s life. I have just turned 23 and everything has pretty much stayed the same. But then I would also have to consider the fact that it’s been just 48 hours since I crossed the “prime years” bracket. Allow me some more time then maybe I’d find my own niche or whatever you'd like to call it.

Since 23 is supposed to be a good number, I decided to celebrate it with a double bang. First bang was dinner at Red with my family and Amma. I must say Red tops my list when it comes to ambiance. The place is so elegantly chic that it makes you feel hip as well. Hehe The food didn’t taste bad either, with generous portions considering most restaurants of its kind usually have small servings. Second bang was organizing a BBQ cookout together with Candice the day after, which was just last night. We had our friends over for a one happy dinner. I think it was a good cookout, a little stressful though since we had to make sure everything was fine. As a result, I wasn't able to eat anything at all. But it's okay. I didn't mind being the host for just that one night. I'm happy people made the effort to come. After all it isn't easy to organize and prepare for a party. The whole thing actually went quite well. There were a lot of leftovers though, which means that I would have to eat hamburgers, hotdogs, and bbq for the next couple of weeks. Hehe

In Red with Ma, Amma, and Candice

Candice and Me with our cake

Backyard Cookout

Kim, Amy, Raf, Me, Nik, Javi

The Real Deal

My life is good because I’ve been accepting a lot of things, both good and bad. It’s a welcoming change for me. I don’t know, but there’s a certain calmness within me. Though it takes a lot of getting used to since I’m constantly worrying. Now that my mind is pretty much devoid of the extra baggage a.k.a. unnecessary worries, I have more time to just lay back and enjoy.

I am slowly learning the real deal when it comes to life in general. During the past few days, I've realized that...

it’s not about rushing and pushing. But about letting nature take its own course.

it's not about seeing with your own two eyes. But about having faith and believing with your heart even with eyes closed.

it’s neither about the majority nor is it about accepting the given. But about listening to what you truly want.

it's not about the one BIG thing. It is actually the small things that add everything up.

it’s not about ‘having to’. But about sincerely ‘wanting to’ from the bottom of your heart.

it’s not about living on fixed plans. But about thriving on spontaneity; leaving everything out in the open.

it’s not about the numbers and stats. But about what really counts the most, all or nothing.

it’s not about holding on to every little thing. But about dropping everything, including yourself if necessary.

it's not all about them. It's about you...it's not up to them. It's up to you.

Movies Galore

I stayed over at Astoria with some of my friends last night. It was a one fun girl bonding night. We hung out and stayed up late spending the night catching up on one another’s ‘happenings’. Fortunately (or should I say unfortunately?) nobody got drunk. It has always been one helluva laugh trip when one of us would get drunk and would act silly. I could still remember this instance when Shar was so drunk she got a box of KFC chicken and placed it on top of the lamp in an attempt to heat it. It was really funny. Amy on the other hand would laugh a lot when she would get tipsy and it would get us to laughing along with her as well. It’s all good though.

I think I’m becoming a certified movie freak. Yesterday we watched The Forgotten which wasn't as good as we expect it to be. Then today my sisters and I had a semi-movie marathon. We caught the special screening of The Incredibles at Greenbelt after a hearty breakfast at McDonald’s. The movie was a bit too long, but nevertheless it was a fun movie to watch. The baby was cute. I liked the characters of Dash and Violet. Then after having lunch with relatives at Chateau, my sisters and I went to Powerplant to watch First Daughter. Nothing new, just the usual romantic flick…reminds me of Chasing Liberty. But just the same, the movie wasn’t all that bad since I’ve always enjoyed watching feel good movies. I don’t know…it just makes you feel light and warm afterwards. If only it happens in real life too. Hehe

The Fast Forward Button

I’m so looking forward to a lot of things. I don’t know if this enthusiasm will last me until the end of the year. I hope so.

The things I’m looking forward to…

-the long weekend that’s coming up (a lot of rest, rest, and more rest for me!)
-engagement party of my cousin, She-She (the first in the clan—father side.)
-earning my very first paycheck as a proby employee
-getting regularized as an employee (that’s 6 more months to go for me.)
-my turning a year older (hopefully with many more better things to come…)
-overnight weekend thing with high school friends (happy birthday to Lizsa, Roanne, and Me!)
-celebrating the Christmas season (57 more days to go and counting…)
-family Noche Buenas, gift-giving during Christmas
-Christmas vacation out of the country
-meeting new people
-eating and being healthy (which means no more chocolates)
-planned out of town trip with college friends (I’m crossing my fingers that it’ll push through.)
-getting to work with a lot of great people
-beach outings (if there will be any...)
-getting together with two of my best buddies (I hope they come home soon!)
-working on my resolutions
-the year 2005 (it’s going to be my year…go Roosters!)